Mema Moves to Michigan: Part 1

My mother had mentioned several times over the last year that she'd like to come stay with us.  Of course, I said, "Sure! Just let me know when you want to come!"

She was living in her own home, however her living situation was less than desirable as my brother & his girlfriend had moved in with her several years previously, and... well, let's just leave it at that.

Finally, the proverbial straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back fell and we went to pick her up the last weekend in October, 2010.  We left Michigan on Thursday in rented a van with fold-down back seats, arriving ~1:00 a.m.  On Friday, we loaded up what she wanted to bring, including her Lazy Boy recliner, had a nice dinner and visit with my son & his family, and left to return on Saturday morning.  Although Mema said she could hold Puddy on her lap, unfortunately we had to leave her 21-year-old cat with my brother because we were afraid she might not survive the trip.

From Mema's house in Columbia, SC, to ours in mid-Michigan is 870 miles, or a 14-hour, hard, fast drive.  With a Mema, it's 2 full days! We took the scenic route - I-26 North to Asheville, I-40 over to Knoxville, then I-75 to Michigan, with stops at least every 2 hours for breaks and/or food. We stopped at the 1/2 way point, Lexington, Kentucky, for the night.

We got a great room at a Marriott property for only $50 a night (regular $125 - I LOVE Priceline.com!)  I left Ali & Mema in the room, and went to Cracker Barrel to fetch some dinner - fried shrimp and baked potatoes all around!  A wine cooler for Mema, and Becks' beers for me & Ali, and we all fell asleep promptly afterwards!

Snowballs, Ding Dongs, and Twinkies, Oh My!!!

Mema definitely has a sweet tooth!  We went to Meijers yesterday for our weekly shopping trip.  I park by the door, go fetch an electric cart for Mema, and watch out Meijers, here we come!!! 

I have to shop with a list, or I'd forget 1/2 the stuff I need, and buy 3 times more of stuff I don't need.  Rx pickup first, then to look for shorts & summer tops for Mema; she found a light blue pair and a light green pair, and 2 matching tops.  Hummingbird feeder, 20# sunflower seeds for the squirrels & Cardinals, yogurt for Mema, vodka for Ali, wine for me, and then to the snack aisle!!!

Mema was looking for Snowballs, those chocolate cake, cream-filled, marshmallow-and-coconut-covered delights!  The only ones Meijers carries come 2 to the package for $1 each, and they are WHITE!  Wal*Mart, however, has the PINK Snowballs, 12 individually-wrapped in a box for $3!  I told her we should go to Wal*Mart tomorrow and buy those, and left her in the snack aisle while I went in search of avocados, cilantro, onions, green & red bell peppers to make Shrimp Creole.

After a while, Mema rides up, "You missed these.  Look what I found!"  ZINGERS!!!  Raspberry-iced cakes, cream-filled, and topped with coconut!!!

Now, several months ago, I would have reacted differently, "Oh, you have plenty of snacks at home... you don't need those too."  However, I have become enlightened over the course of our living together, and decided that she could buy (mostly) whatever she wants - I think she's disappointed when I make her put stuff back.  (Plus Max & Wendy, our Godkids, who spend the night almost every Friday, LOVE going into the pantry to see what Mema has bought!)

Now she was happy and ready to go home.

Inventory of snacks in pantry:

Pink Snowballs

*Zingers

*Ding Dongs

*Twinkies

*Marshmallow Supremes

*Swiss Rolls

*Cosmic Brownies

Oreos

Danishes

Nutrigrain bars - (2 boxes): Apple Cinnamon and Strawberry

Chewy Dipps (B-fast ? bars): Chocolate Chip

Blueberry Bars

Cheez-its

Girls Scout Cookies (3 types)

Lance's Captain's Wafers

Lance's Nekot Cookies

Jello Pudding Cups (4 types):  Chocolate, Chocolate/Vanilla swirl, Vanilla, and Banana Creme Pie

*Hostess brand items 

I need to invest in the Hostess company!!!

Friday: Mema Falls

Mema has Homecare workers who come on Monday, Wednesday & Friday.  Monday & Friday are "bath & beauty" days, in that after her shower, the helper rolls her hair.  She really enjoys this, and it lifts her spirits.  Who doesn't feel better after having their hair done?  :-)  Then go shopping!!!   :-)

Mondays a helper is here for 2 hours, 10 am - Noon; and for 3 hours each on Wednesday, 10 am - 1 pm; and Friday, 11 am - 2 pm.  Wednesday is conference call day for me with my employer; I work from home as a grant-writer for Pewabic Pottery, located 120 miles south in Detroit, and need someone here during that time to assist Mema 10 am - 1 pm, when I usually take lunch.

Yesterday, I ran some errands and went to physical therapy while her helper was here, then to pick to up a hot dog at Dairy Queen for her lunch.  She had been craving a good hot dog for a few weeks.  We went to A&W one day, where they serve Kogel hot dogs (a Michigan thing), however it was tough for her to eat as she has no "lowers."  I asked at Dairy Queen, and they serve a regular hot dog, which turned out softer for Mema to eat!

When I returned home ~2:30, Mema was on the floor in the kitchen! "OMG!!!  What happened?  How did you fall?" I asked,  "Are you OK?  Anything hurt?"  "Yes, I'm OK.  I went to answer the phone."

"I'm sorry... I've told you not to worry about getting the phone!"  "Well, I called out for Jimmy, but he didn't answer."  "Moma, Daddy's been dead for 11 years."  "Well, that explains why he didn't answer!" she replied.

"John had left, and no one else was here," she said.  "Mom, John (my brother) is in S.C., and we are in Michigan; no one was here but you after Tia left."

I felt REALLY bad, as I had called to see if she also wanted an eclair or something from the bakery, but she didn't answer.  I though she'd be in her room, where she usually stays most of the day.  She was only alone for ~1/2 hour, but that's all it took.

SAFETY NOTE:  MAKE SURE MEMA ALWAYS HAS THE PHONE ON HER WALKER SEAT BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE!!!  EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE IS HERE!!!

I rolled her walker over to her and asked if she could try to get up by herself.  I have back issues and have been in physical therapy since before Christmas myself, and it wouldn't do to have 2 injured people in the house again!  She was able to pull herself up, and had no complaints of pain, so was OK.  I noticed when I looked around, that her walker wheels were locked, as they should be, and it was directly beside the table.  She had tried to walk the few steps to the bar where the phone is, and obviously could not make it even those 3-4 steps alone.  I tried not to admonish her, and just told her that she must be careful & always use her walker.  She tried to blame the chair, which does have casters on it, but it was obvious that the chair had not scooted, and that she was just trying to be independent and attempted it without assistance.

Later in the afternoon, I was working on a couple of grants when she came into my office.  She asked about some guy, "you remember, we went to see a presentation in the auditorium... you took me last week."  "No, Mom, I don't remember that."  "Well, it was to buy some other house."  "No, we're not moving anywhere.  We're going to Myrtle Beach in a few weeks, though. Are you talking about a time-share?"  "Something like that, but they didn't call  it that"  she said.

Well, we hadn't been to any presentation, and the only time I know of that she had been to one was ~10 years before Daddy passed away, so ~21 years ago.  But I chatted with her a bit about timeshares and the value/cost not being worth it, then she went back to her room and I continued my editing.  No talk of this "trailer" we (don't) live in today!  LOL

Gotta Start Somewhere

Well, I've been waiting to find time to really create my blog page, "decorate" it and all, but it doesn't seem to come, so I decided that I just need to start writing before it's too late.  I will add to the blog memories of recent months as time allows.

My mom, affectionately called Mema, is getting more & more confused.  She has been in quite a bit a of pain, due to her right knee, for some time.  At age 87, frail, and with a history of heart attack, congestive heart failure, and other problems, the doctor has not even mentioned the possibility of a knee replacement, but she thinks she can have one & every thing will be hunky-dorey.  Sorry, Mema.

The doctor has, however, increased her narcotic meds to daily doses because she really does complain (constantly) about pain otherwise.  I'm talking about constant moaning & groaning, and owee, owee, owee, and the like.  VERY irritating to listen to allll daaay loooong!!!  

I was concerned about addiction, but doc said she is not concerned about addiction for an 87 year old, but more concerned that she is as near to pain-free as reasonably possible.

We are not sure if is the drugs, or if she is just slipping into dementia faster & faster.  Each night for the last week, she has asked if we are leaving now, or leaving this place.  When I explain to her that this "place" is our home, she gets more confused, and continues to ask if we're going back to where we live, or where are we going to sleep?

Yesterday, starting in the early evening, she thought our house was a trailer (it's over 3,200 sq ft!), and how "they" put several trailers together to make this one.  About an hour after she went to bed, she got up and came into the family room asking, "who has the key?"  "Key to what, Mema?"  "To this place," she says.  "This is our home, Mema," I say.  "That's what you say about every place we go."  "We haven't been anywhere but here, Mema."  Then in confusion, she goes back to bed.  I tuck her in & kiss her goodnight again.